Posts Tagged ‘joke’

barney farney

Posted: September 15, 2010 in just for laughs, lyrics
Tags: , ,

damn purple thing

I love you.
You love me.
Barney gave me HIV.
It started with a hug. And ended on the floor.
I was raped by a dinosaur.

Jokes of the week

Posted: June 11, 2010 in just for laughs
Tags:

Ryan: Dad, what is an idiot?
Faizal (Dad): An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can’t understand him. Do you understand me?
Ryan: No.

Sidek: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
Omar: Hi Taxi

Nanu: Doctor! You’ve got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
Dr Iqbal: Next please!

Gilbert: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Dr Wong KS: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

Man said to God — Why did you make women so beautiful?
God said to man — So that you will love them.
Man said to God — But why did you make them so dumb?
God said to man — So that they will love you.

Aliff: Why are all those people running?
Ba: They are running a race to get a cup.
Aliff: Who will get the cup?
Ba: The person who wins.
Aliff: Then why are all the others running?

Ryan: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Ryan: But I asked first!

read em out loud

funny shit… ever.

Joke of the Decade

Posted: May 19, 2009 in rants & ramblings
Tags:

This one ought to be in here… joke of the year

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam was having trouble with one of her
students the teacher asked, “Boy, what is your problem?”
The boy answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in
the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in
the third-grade too!”

Ms. Neelam had enough. She took the boy to the principal’s office.
While the boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to
the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he
would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She
agreed. The boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to
him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Boy: “9”.
Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
Boy: “36”.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a
third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms. Neelam and tells
her, “I think Boy can go to the third-grade.”

Ms. Neelam says to the principal, “I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?” The principal and Boy both agree.

Ms. Neelam asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy, after a moment “Legs.”

Ms. Neelam: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
Boy: “Pockets.”

Ms. Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut

Ms. Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy: Bubblegum

Ms. Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down
and a dog does on three legs? The principal’s eyes open really wide
and before he could stop the answer…
Boy: Shake hands

Ms. Neelam: Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay?
Boy: Yep.

Ms. Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me
up. I get wet before you do.
Boy: Tent

Ms. Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re
bored. The best man always has me first. The Principal was looking
restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy: Wedding Ring

Ms. Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you
blow me, you feel good.
Boy: Nose

Ms. Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My! tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy: Arrow

Ms. Neelam: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means
lot of heat and excitement?
Boy: Firetruck

Ms. Neelam: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ & if you
don’t get it you have to use your hand.
Boy: Fork

Ms. Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it’s longer on some
men than on others, the pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to
his wife after they’re married?
Boy: SURNAME

Ms. Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has
lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
“Send this Boy to the University, I got the last ten questions wrong
myself!”

booger beggar

Posted: November 4, 2008 in just for laughs
Tags: ,

How do you get a tissue to dance? You put a little boogie in it!

Lessons in Logic

Posted: August 25, 2006 in just for laughs
Tags: , ,
  • I was born intelligent -Education ruined me
  • Practice makes perfect…..But nobody’s perfect……So why practice?
  • If it’s true that we are here to help others,Then what exactly are the others here for
  • Since light travels faster than sound,People appear bright until you hear them speak
  • How come “abbreviated” is such a long word?
  • Money is not everything.There’s Mastercard & Visa
  • If your father is a poor man,It is your fate but,If your father-in-law is a poor man,It’s your stupidity
  • Behind every successful man, there is a woman And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two woman
  • Every man should marry.After all, happiness is not the only thing inLife
  • The wise never marry.And when they marry they become otherwise
  • Success is a relative term.It brings so many relatives
  • Never put off the work till tomorrowWhat you can put off today.
  • “Your future depends on your dreams”So go to sleep
  • There should be a better way to start a dayThan waking up every morning
  • “Hard work never killed anybody” But why take the risk
  • “Work fascinates me”I can look at it for hours
  • God made relatives;Thank God we can choose our friends
  • The more you learn, the more you know,The more you know, the more you forget The more you forget, the less you knowSo.. Why learn
  • A bus station is where a bus stops.A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station….What more can I say……..